#i will tlk to therapist cecelia soon thid aftetnnoon and to ps6chiatrus5 for medication updates too so.
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moonimbued · 4 years ago
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#man today fuckkng sucks!!!!#i just like. got hit out of nowhere by a friend or what i thoyght was a friend telling me that i dud slmething to hurt them a while back#i had no fucking idea that i even did the thibg that i did#and theg also told me that like. wd werent really friends at all thid whole time?#which actually#im really really hurt and upset by because they straight up lied to me for a long time about feeling close tl me andlime a good frkebd#ugh my fingers hurtf rkn typing si muxg so the spelljnf is jusy getging worse because my fuckinf ingers don5 listen ti where itll rhem to go#i am so emotionally drianed bu everything these pasy fw weeks thag i canf even cry i just threw up because thats what my body does#when i feel losd and grief abd regret and guilg#especually whe. i have no khther oueley fpr it#today is a. stay in bed kind od day.#am i just a fuckinf. monster. that tries so hard to help but actually just really hurts everyike k interact with#bc thats ehat it seems like#im looking back at all my frirnships and relationships and yhinkokg anouy thr ways that i hurt those people#and it makes md feelless than human.#any time big baf stress happens i dontfeel thay i am a pwrson anymore#.#i will tlk to therapist cecelia soon thid aftetnnoon and to ps6chiatrus5 for medication updates too so.#i dont think thid spiral is gling to have tome to hit roxk bottom anf make me actually hurt myself#god damn it#thisw sS the first time i. my whole entire life that i van remember since i wad born thag i wasnt suicidal fot more than a few hours#anf woof#it sure is back#maybe i wkll just sleep forever tili die#i. so tired#everyine keeps dyo.g.#i krrp hurting everyone#eceryome keeps leaving and i know its my faultf or some of them#i wish i had tge softest thing in the worod abd i cohld lay down and feel safe ans held and loved and just noy wake up.#mal speaks
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